어린나이에 애둘낳고 살다보니 몸무게도 늘었고 피부도 많이 안좋아졌고..23살에 흰머리 가득한 내 모습을 보니 참 많은 생각이 들더라구요 그래서인지 신랑새끼는  어린년이랑 바람도 피고 종년취급하고 신랑이랑 싸우면 신랑은 매번하는소리가 꼴보기싫데요ㅎㅎ존나 꼴보기싫어 존나싫어 이말만 여러번들어요 물론 저도 그럼 넌 꼴보기좋냐면서 나도 너싫다하는데...마음은 매번 와르르 무너져요 그냥 잠들기전에도 생각나고..그냥 설거지 하다가도 그생각나고...내가 이럴려고 이런 대접받을려고 살고있나 나만없어지면 되는건가 나없으면 잘살까 내가 만약 죽는다면 눈물한방울이라도 흘릴까 맨 이딴생각하네요 전에 그냥 울면서 말해버렸어요 너때문에 나 진짜 이혼생각뿐만 아니라 자살생각까지 했다고..했더니...뭘그런걸로 그런생각까지 하녜요...전 진짜힘들게 말한거였는데 웃으면서 넘기려고하니 심장이 쿵 하더라구요ㅎㅎㅎㅎ그뒤로 그냥 힘들단말안해요 그저 혼자 나쁜생각만 해요 친정식구 시댁식구 아무도 몰라요 혼자 속앓이 하는거..맨날 웃으면서 얘기하니까 제가 행복한줄알아요ㅎ조금이라도 더 나아지고싶어서 정신과갈생각도 했었는데 신랑이 또라이라 생각할까봐 (참고로 전 돈쓸때 다 허락맡고 써요 그래서 좀 뭐시기해서..)안가고 뻐기고있었는데 저녁마다 혼자 입틀어막고 우는거 그만할려고 내일은 신랑몰래 정신과 가볼려고해요ㅎ저 나아질수있겠죠 이제 혼자 속앓이 그만할수있겠죠..?