I feel like crap... Since two weeks ago, I started to suddenly feel really stressed and tired, even though that in cases like this I keep them to myself and continue on with my life. But today it felt really bad, now I’m in university, sitting in the restroom, and locked myself in there so I could write this and vent a bit. I feel like I don’t have time for myself anymore, which is why I stay awake many nights just so I could finish working on something while everyone at home are sleeping, because while during the day I do something less productive like playing games cause if I was working, I often would get interrupted by someone at home, and that would stop my motivation to keep going on making music. And often then no, in order to compensate and have more time for myself, I tend to skip class a lot, but it’s not the only reason why I skip them, I can’t keep up with studying, every time I seat in a lecture, I get really frustrated and confused cause my mind can’t focus in class. And most of the time I feel alone cause it always seems like everyone else in class cares and understands more then I do, and it feels like I don’t belong there. And once I am home, motivation is often lost cause of that too… My parents try to push me to focus on that, they even talked to a doctor to get a prescription for Ritalin pills, which I take everyday. But I still feel like it won’t help me better. But I don’t feel like taking them… They do care about my music, but, it still feels like there’s a gap between me and them, cause I always try to explain myself, and why I don’t feel good about studying, but it often interpreted as something else for them. I can’t fight them anymore, which why I take risks and lie to them, skip classes and sleep less so I could focus on my future projects, just so I could focus on what makes me feel better about myself and spare myself as much time I can make. I wish I could explain more and get into detail, but I’m typing this on my phone, so sorry if I’m not clear about what I wrote. I have high hopes that everything will be better. But, days like this makes me wish that everything will get better soon
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