32살 먹을동안 지금것 진지하게 생각해본적없이 
없었는데 갑자기 생각해보게됬네요 나는 어떻게하면 행복해질수있을까 하고요 않좋은 기억들이 너무 괴롭힙니다 싫어했던 아버지의 죽음 하도 아버지에게 맞고살아서 골병들어 아퍼하는 어머니 치매가있어서 거동못하는 저희집에 와계시는 외할머니 회사일의 짜증남 그와중에 좋아하는 사람도 생겼지만 그사람은 저를 거부했고 민폐끼치기 싫어서 잊어보려 애쓰지만 회사서 매일 얼굴보는 사이라 잊어버리기도 너무힘들고 기분전환해보려 차를타고 마구 이곳저곳 혼자돌아다녀봐도 외로움만 느껴질뿐이고 몸뚱이는 직장암3기 수술한지3년차 정상인처럼 생활하지못하니 이거참 총체적 난국이에요 머리속이 실타래가 엉킨것처럼 복잡합니다 어떻게하면 행복해질수있을까요... 자신의 행복을 다른사람이 찾아줄수없다는걸 알면서도 여기에 털어놓고 있는 나약한 제자신이 참 병신같이 느껴지는 하루네요
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