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영어문장 작문입니다. 틀린곳 지적 부탁드려봐용!!
게시물ID : english_9709짧은주소 복사하기
작성자 : 고포릿
추천 : 1
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등록시간 : 2014/10/20 11:51:46
제자랑이지만 2000년대초반에 친수능이후로 영어학원 한번 안가고 어학연수가본적도 없고 
순전히 책상머리에서 영영사전 예문들 외워가며 독학으로 갈고닦았심더. ㅠ.ㅎ
이제는 훈련이 많이 되어서 굳이 한국말로 생각 안해도 거의 술술 써집니다.
사실 단어를 외울때도 특히 동사는 동영상의 형태로 외울려고 했었는데 이 방법이 매우 큰 도움이 되었습니다.
(예를들면 radiate를 외울때 한국말보다는 새빨간 원에서 에너지 파장이 퍼저나가는 동영상 이미지로 각인시킴)
어쨌든 지금까지 누구에게 제 영작글을 첨삭맡겨본적이 없는데, 
영게고수분들에게 뭔가 조언을 듣고싶어서 작문한것들중 샘플하나 골라서 갖고왔습니다.

참고로 제가 가장 어려워 하는게 시제/관사/가정법 입니다. ㅠ.ㅠ 
혹시 아래 문장중 조금이라도 문법적으로 틀린게 있다면 지적 부탁드려볼수 있을까요?
그리고 제 작문 스타일을 보시고 개선할 점도 지적해주셨음 좋겠습니다.
예를들면 문장이 너무 길어서 질질 늘어진다던가, 이럴땐 능동태보다는 수동태로 사고하고 작문하는 연습이 필요해 보인가던가 등등이요!







I woke up in the morning by ringing sounds of my cell phone.
It was my husband, he left Korea yesterday to participate an exhibition in Berlin, Germany.

I answered the phone with exaggerated sweet voice, how's your stay?
But I was greeted by silence.
After a moment he announced that his bag had been stolen. (announce가 이런 personal한 상황에서 좀 유머틱하게 쓰여도 되는지궁금)

He had been eating dinner with his colleague, in the outdoor table of an Italian restaurant before he got to the hotel. 
A pedestrian suddenly spilled coins on his feet, so he bent over to collect the coins for him. Then, the young guy hooked up his bag on the chair and ran away. 

My husband dressed in fine semi-casuals not like backpackers.
And his trunk was a brand new one.
So the thief might regard him as a rich Chinese man who always carries(현재시제써도 되죠?) a huge amount of cash. 
He served as a UDT SEAL member for three years, he still maintains fine figure and he is tall as 6 ft. He also has very sharp appearance. He believed that these features kept him safe from pocket pickers in France or Italy. And this was 5th visit to the exhibition center in Berlin and none of his colleague had encountered a thief so far, so he just thought that German metropolis was a safe place. 


In the bag, there were his wallet(It was his birthday present given by me, Paul Smith. It was about $250 ), passport, credit card, company credit card, residence ID card, i-phone charger, cash 500 Euro(Given by the president of his company for business trip expenses. Fortunately, the president said he would not charge the lost money to my husband...), personal cash of 200 Euro and........

I should have noticed his voice getting fainter and fainter.






MY Vivienne Westwood sunglasses
MY MISS DIOR miniature perfume set box
MY DIOR fine jewelry set- necklace and earrings.
MY ETRO hairband
MY MAC eye shadow pallet 

I used to pester him to get nice gifts for me at the duty free shops whenever he went to business trip abroad, he frequently visits factory in China.
Once the flight time table had been changed, he got a fine excuse to refuse my ORDERS because duty free shops open just before 30 minutes before the departure time and its gate is too far from the shopping area.

So this time I said him to get to the airport 2 hours before the departure time and get all the items he had failed to purchase so far, NO MERCY THIS TIME. I even brought him to the airport limousine bus stop early in the morning yesterday. 
Before the flight, he proudly called me that he completed all the missions.
That's why I could receive his call with sweet voice.
But I couldn't scold his carelessness, because if I did, he would have counterattacked me saying like this: 
"You should ask my safety first!!". 
So I presented him lots of political(??) consolations, but it seemed that I did too much then needed. 
He fully restored himself judging by that he ended the phone call saying,

"This is a disaster which had been incubated by your greediness, I'd repeatedly advised not to purchase them at once! Maybe now a girl must be giving out happy screams with her mouth ear to ear!!"

I've never imagined that scene, it makes me physically sick.
If I were to see her with my accessories, I feel like I could pull out all of her hair. 
And my husband's too. 

Now he is heading to Korean embassy for an instant passport. He is pretty glad that he had been freed from the hard works of decorating the company's booth. And also pleased by my initial responses to the bad news.

His last comment was half-joke to make me laugh, his voice was just mischievous. 
He mimicked my tone, because whenever he scolds me I always present provoking excuses to earn spanks. 
Quiet nice revenge, though. 

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