근데 아닌가? 잘 모르겠어 엄마생각하면 막 울거나하진읺는데 가슴이 뭐라해야하지 물에젖은것처럼 눅눅해져 시도때도없이 엄막생각이나 엄마 나 안좋아한다고했지 나도엄마 안좋아해 근데 왜이러지 왜 이래야하지 돌것같아 해야할일은 많은데 아무것도 안해 현실도피만 몇주짼지 모르겠어 감당이안돼 우울해서 나도 죽고싶어 난못하겠어 감당을못하겠어 다음날에눈뜨기가싫어 웃다가도 죽을것같아 약해지고나서야 나한테 잘해주는거 진짜 소름끼쳣어 그전엔 왜그랬어? 날그렇게 꺼려하고 모른척했어? 나 썅년맞는거같아 엄마가죽고난다음에도 미워 근데나 지금도 한국에 돌아가면 엄마가 병원에 누워서 나 기다릴것같아 왜이러지 다싫다 너무싫다 시발 이러는와중에도 현실이밀려온다~ 해야할일이 쌓인다~ 미치겠닼ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 나 장례식에서 울고싶으면 그냥 울엇어 그냥 추하게 나중에 이러기가 싫었거든 그냥 그러면 나중에 이러게 병신같이 질질 안끌줄알았지나는 근데아냐 시발 나 어떻게해야돼 엄마나어떻게해야돼