지금 고민으로 머릿속이 터질거 같은데요 조언이 필요해요 ㅜㅜ

얼마전 4박5일 깨달음의 장을 다녀왔어요 . 정말 좋았고 많은 걸 느낄 수 있었어요 근데 전 여기서 더 나아가서 정말 이대로 살면 좋겠다는 생각이 들어서 100일 출가라는 프로그램을 통해 내가 누군지 알아가고 행복해 지는 방법을 더 연습해 보고 싶다는 생갇을 했어요 공부도 하구요 

나이는 23인데 직업은 없고 알바중이에요 엄마는 제가 취업하기을 원하시는데 백일 출가 간다그러면 난리날거 같아요 ㅜㅜ 돈은 제가 모아서 갈생각이에요 .적금든거 얼마 안되지만 그것도 해지할 생각이구요 저번에 깨달음의 장 갔을때도 엄마가 왜 그런걸 돈주고 가는지 이해가 안된다고 우리 형편 생각하라고 그러셨는데 그말도 물론 맞아요 근데 이렇게 내가 뭘 원하는지도 모른채 흐지부지 사는것보다 저는 100일 출가를 통해 저를 더 알고싶거든요

그래서 너무너무 가고싶은데 이게 저만의 이기적인 생각일까요 ??이기적인 거 같기도 해요 ..너무 고민이 되서 다른분들이라면 이런 상황에 어떻게 하실지 조언 부탁드려요 ㅜㅜ너무 어린생각일까요 ?