마땅히 올릴곳이 없어서 올려요...하소연 할때도없구...
오늘 1년반 넘게 만났던 내 생의 첫 여자친구와 헤어지자 했습니다 연애를 하면서 처음 6개월만 뜨겁게 사랑했고 그후론 그녀가 저에게 너무 차갑게 대하고 혼자 사랑하고 관계를 좋게 발전 시키려 했는데 역시 혼자로는 무리였네요 저가 미친듯이 좋아해서 여기까지 끌고오다시피 했지만 저도 이제 지치고 힘들고 거의 맨날 연락 오기만을 기다리고..
3일동안 연락이 안된적도 있었고 하루 종일 연락 안되는건 기본이고… 저가 일방적으로 연락을 강요했지만 항상 비슷한 핑계를 대며 미안하다고
어제는 제 생일이어서 내심 기대하며 영상통화라도 할수있을것 같은 마음에 가족들과 외식만 하고 집에 와서 기다렸는데….. 생일축하한다는 문자 하나없이 그냥 그녀를 기다리다 제 생일은 지나갔어요…. 그리고 아침에 온 문자 몇개…  사는게 너무 힘들어서 알바 끝나고 친구가 대마초를 구했다해서 그거피고 취했다고 미안하다고… 이문자를 보고 저는 멘붕이 왔고 전화를 걸었죠… 왜 그런걸 했냐 내생일인데<br>
내 문자는 다씹고 어떻게 그럴수가 있냐… 돌아오는 말은 매번 똑같은…  미안해  그래서 저는 헤어지자고 했어요 여자친구가 학교에서 따돌림을 많이받고 집에서도 좀 차별을 받는다는거는 알아서 요즘 사는게 힘들다 자살하고 싶다는 말을 가끔식 하곤 했는데 제가 기분 좋게 할려고 여자친구 힘내라고 시도할려 한게 많은데 하루에 연락 몇번하기 힘들어 아무것도 못했어요… 저가 아무리 투정부리고 해도 정말 자기밖에 몰라 걱정하는 내맘은 모르고 사랑받고 싶은 내맘은 몰라주는 여자친구 때론 싫기도했지만 저가 헤어지자 해놓고 힘드네요… 지금도 보고싶고 이러는 저가 병신같고 내자신이 너무싫어요… 저 어떻하면 좋을까요..